I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this hospital has no fireball
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
