Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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