I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
