Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
