Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
