Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
