So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
