what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
