now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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