In the future we'll all be gay
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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