my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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