I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
