Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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