There was a lot of him and a little penis
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
