Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
