jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
