i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
