It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
