You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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