But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
