I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A+ Viking dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
