He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
