Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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