you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is the high leading the old right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
