There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
