Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
