she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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