I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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