lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
