look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
