i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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