i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
