I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
