So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
