I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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