Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
