No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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