so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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