i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
