Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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