I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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