i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
