I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it was like eating out sand paper
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
