Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's never too late to be topless.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
