you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
