I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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