lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
