Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
