Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
