I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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