I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Acid is not a monday night drug
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
